i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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