I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
