I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
