She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
