he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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