dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
