I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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