Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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