So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
