I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
