people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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