Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize