party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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