tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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