I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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