I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
