hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
