I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
