i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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