Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
