Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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