Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
