It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
