Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
