Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
