Pants 0. Shit 1.
im holly from the hills drunk
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
