They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
