Apparently you make a good broom.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
