Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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