Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize