This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All I want is dick and wine.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
