we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
