I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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