In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
