Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
