i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
