If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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