that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
