i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
