Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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