this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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