Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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