After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
