She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
