My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
