Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
