you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
