I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
