I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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