she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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