Im at strip club and am horny
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you traded sex for a burrito?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think my moral compass just broke
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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