You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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