I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
