She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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