When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
worst night to have a conscience
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
