You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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