I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
