I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
