If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
