____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
