I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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