if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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