Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you made out with another girl for some wings
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize