HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
