im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
