I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
