my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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