No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
