$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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