Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
