So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
