By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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